My best work gets done late at night or early in the morning when the kids, dogs, and husband are all in bed and the house is quiet. I count on that time. I need that time. This morning, my 4 year old was up before the dawn, and I heard the words she has said so many times before, “I wan’ you, mommy.” I was too busy – needed to work.
Watch cartoons. Play with your doll. Draw a picture.
She could be distracted for brief periods, but not for long. Frustration was evident in my voice. “Leave me alone for 5 more minutes, and then I will hold you.” Five was probably more like 10, but once the project was successfully saved on my computer, I looked up, expecting a warm hug and a little cuddle time. But she was gone – not interested in me anymore. She had given up on trying to get my attention.
I met a little girl who reminded me of my daughter. She was new to foster care – it had only been a couple of days. She tried to be stoic, but that didn’t last long, and she melted into tears and cries for her mom. I pulled her into my lap, and she rested her head on my shoulder, sobbing quietly while I held her. After a few minutes she climbed down, leaving behind some tears on my shirt sleeve. I cried too – not publicly – but in my soul. Cried for the little girl who was separated from her mom by physical space. And I cried for my own little girl, who at least for today was separated from her mom by emotional space.
Tomorrow I have to do better.
Ouch. Thanks for that, Deb. I think I needed to hear that.
You brought tears to my eyes with this one- hit me where it hurts. There just never seems to be enough time. I too will continue to try to do better. Thanks, Deb.