Some days this job sucks. Some days I can’t tell that there is any progress.
“We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist…” 1 Corinthians 13:12 (MSG)
Four years is a long time in kid life. I remember meeting the sibling quartet four years ago. They were strung out across three foster homes, and it took me a couple of clinic visits to figure out they were one family. The boys were all a little unruly, but their freckled faces, dimpled cheeks, and quick smiles got them out of a lot of trouble. The girl was harder to connect with – she was older, and less trusting. But over time, the relationship grew.
Time went by, and somewhere along the way I met their parents. Fell in love with them. Poured into them. Opened my heart, my mind, and occasionally even my checkbook. They got their kids back.
I thought I saw progress, or did I just imagine that?
Then the kids showed up with foster parents again. And I was devastated. And angry. A little at the parents. But mostly at God. “Why don’t you do anything?” I complained. “When are you going to show up? I am tired of this, tired of being disappointed. Tired of watching foster kids come and go. Tired of hoping that their lives will improve, only to realize later that nothing is better. When are you going to do something about this?”
His answer? I did. I sent you.
I don’t like that answer. Because I can’t see very well. I don’t know if what I am spending my life doing makes any difference. I don’t know what happens to that group of three brothers and a sister whose parents can’t get their act together. I don’t know if they get to stay with each other or get separated. I don’t know at what point hope is lost in them. At what point they give up. I just don’t know…
“Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity…Three things will last forever – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love.” 1 Cor. 13:12 (NLT)
Deb,
I stumbled onto your website some time ago and am totally addicted. What a wonderful blessing you are to who knows how many children in our state. I am so thankful to know that there is someone like you in a place that has become very familiar to me. You see, I am raising my four-year-old special needs grandson. His dad also lives with us. His mommy is doing time in prison for making meth. Her lab was in the attic just over the baby’s crib. When we got custody of him after the drug bust, he was 18 months old, had been in the hospital for at least a dozen procedures including an 8 hour surgery during his first week of life that created nasal passages through solid bone just so he could breathe. At the time, I was a Baptist Sunday School teacher. Had never seen the inside of a jail or talked to a lawyer. Truly didn’t have a clue what DHS expected of me and was literally scared to death I would screw this kid’s life up forever. I can honestly say it was the worst time of my life. But today, I am so thankful that God in His mercy decided to help me open my eyes to the real world that surrounds me–a world where a lot of little kids go to bed at night hungry and alone. I am a different person today because of my experience. Thanks so much for all you do to make a difference. We must NEVER quit trying to change their world.
Pam
Thank you so much for your kind comments and encouragement! There are many days that I need it. I love these kids, and love those people who are willing to step in a give them a chance. You are my hero.