Alive

I thought I just needed a break – a vacation.  Thought I was tired.  Seemed like every day, every kids’ story was more painful than the one before. 

“Pain is good.  It helps you know you are alive“.  What?  Who thought that was a great idea?

So I took a vacation.  Ate good food.  Visited friends.  Rested.  Played. 

Then I came back to the world where foster kids live.  Where there is no such thing as a break.  Where kids haven’t ever seen the beach or the mountains.  Where there is no opportunity to hang out and act silly with your friends and family.  Where rest is elusive, and hope even more so.  And suddenly there it was again – pain. 

I don’t think pain helps me feel alive.  Rather, I think it helps me realize what I am alive to do.  I did need the break, not to escape from the pain, but to learn how to better embrace it.

What are you alive to do? 

“Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you”                                                                                     Jeremiah 1:5 (MSG)