In-flu-ence* – [IN-floo-uhns] – verb – To quietly affect the nature, development, or condition of a person or course of events in a way that operates without any direct or apparent effort, to MODIFY.

To have world-changing influence, we must be willing to give something up in order to get something better.

We tend to think that we have the greatest influence on those who are the closest to us. And yet, the truth is that most of the people who I allow in my inner circle of friends are very much LIKE ME. They think like me, they talk like me, they agree with me (well, mostly). If influence has to do with MODIFYING an outcome, then what exactly is it that I think I can accomplish?

Instead, I think that influence is most effective when we are able to reach across the space between our comfortable circles and into spaces where people are NOT like us, where we do not have automatic credibility, where we have to earn respect and aren’t given it because of our credentials or title.

To have world-changing influence, I must be willing to put down my prestige. My power. My desire to always be the boss. The part if me that wants to get credit for every win but deflect the losses – to be recognized as the hero. Please don’t misunderstand -I leverage every resource I have on behalf of foster kids. If my degree or title gets me invited to the table, you can bet I’m taking advantage. If I can use my experiences to start a conversation, I am going for it.

Somewhere in the process, though, there comes a critical moment when I have to remember that life is not all about me. That changing the outcomes of foster kids matters more than being right. Matters more than winning the argument. Or making the news. Or getting the award.

To have world-changing influence, we must be willing to give something up in order to get something better. What do you need to give up?

In-flu-ence* – [IN-floo-uhns] – verb – To quietly affect the nature, development, or condition of a person or course of events in a way that operates without any direct or apparent effort, to MODIFY.

Do you think the world needs to be changed?  Not everyone does, or at least most people don’t live like it does.  Most of us seem to wander through life without much lasting impact on those around us.  Think about it – if you moved today, how long would it be before those left behind would replace you?  Before the presence you had in the community began to fade? 

If we can agree that the world of foster kids does, in fact, need to look different, then we can begin to have a conversation about just exactly how to do that.  Certainly a great deal of change comes as the result of influence.  So for the next few days, I want to pass along some lessons I have learned about how to have world-changing influence.

To have world-changing influence, we must be in proximity to whatever we want to change.

The Mississipi River is a powerful force of nature, but it has no influence whatsoever on the Pacific Ocean.**  If we are going to enact change, we must be right in the middle of the problem.  For me, that meant learning more about foster kids.  Spending time at the shelter.  Hanging out with case workers.  Sitting through court cases.  Listening to difficult stories. 

When we are in proximity to the thing we want to change, we can see clearly what the problems are.  But we can also see the dirt.  And the trash.  And the ugliness.  And if we stay in proximity long enough, we are guaranteed to get dirty too. 

Still, it is in quiet space close to the chaos of a broken world that we have the opportunity to modify the nature and condition of a human being. 

Are you willing to get dirty?

*Webster’s dictionary     **Erwin McManus

We are not morning people.  No one enjoys getting out of bed – not even the dogs.  Because of that, getting everyone dressed and in the car is filled with emotion.

Stress.  Anger.  Anxiety.  Frustration. 

In the middle of  that mess, my kids have adopted a morning tradition.  Once the car is rolling, they want to hear music.  Not just any music.  They want to hear “Mighty to Save” by Hillsong.  They want it turned up loud.  And they want to sing at the top of their lungs, even though neither of them can carry a tune in a bucket.  And they want to pretend to be part of the band.  One plays the keyboard, the other an air guitar, and me?  Drums, of course!  I have to keep my hands on the wheel, after all.   Plus by that time I am usually ready to beat on something.  As we sing and “play”, something amazing happens. 

Stress disappears.  Fighting resolves.  Anger dissipates. 

She was 14, and she really couldn’t have cared less who I was.  She was simply here because her case worker had dragged her in to get a physical.  She gave cursory answers to most of my questions.  She had been in 10 placements over the past year – she was difficult to care for, she guessed.  She could make straight A’s when she managed to stay in school long enough to get a report card.  Yes she smoked – 2 packs a day.  Even though she had asthma.  Yes she drank alcohol, any time she could get her hands on it.  Yes she slept with boys, mostly when she was lonely.  But then I asked something that struck a nerve. ”What do you enjoy?”  Her face fell.  “I don’t enjoy anything.”  I didn’t believe her.  “Come on”, I said, “there must be one thing that you enjoy doing.  Even if you don’t get to do it very often.  What is it?  Reading?  Writing stories?  Playing ball?  Watching movies?”.  “Music”, she said.  “Music calms me down, helps me to not get into fights, and not be depressed.  I have had CD’s and even had a boom box before, but I have moved around a lot, and have lost it all.”

The medical treatment she needed was fairly straightforward.  Take your asthma medicine.  Stop smoking, drinking, and sleeping around.  Go to school.  But the question wasn’t WHAT did she need to do to be healthy.  The question was HOW to be motivated to do it.  In the face of overwhelming stress.  When you have been abandoned and are hopeless.  When you have very little control.  The answer?  Music.

We made a deal – come back in a month in better shape.  You can define it.  If you are better, I will get you your music.  Two months went by, and I wondered if she had moved again.  Then, she came.  Stopped smoking.  Taking her asthma meds.  Hadn’t slept with anyone new this month (I counted that as an improvement).  Only 1 new placement in 2 months.  In school, making A’s and B’s.  Her case worker smiled and agreed.  And I went to the store to get her some music.

When you turn on your radio, or plug in to your iPod, pause and be thankful that you are alive, that you are safe, that you have food in the fridge and relationships that are meaningful.  Let music be a gentle reminder that not everyone does.