He was a three-and-a-half feet tall bundle of emotion.  In a few short years, he had unfortunately witnessed much more bad than good, a fact that became painfully clear to his foster parents as he ran screaming through the house.  As they struggled to settle his fears, their silent prayers were filled with doubt.  What could they do?  They weren’t equipped to handle a kid like this.  Finally the screaming stopped and there was silence, except for the sound of the sobs of a little broken heart.  The man fell to his knees.

“We will never hurt you.”

At the simple words, the sobs stopped.  Time seemed to stand still as child and adult locked eyes.  Then the most unexpected thing – a sloppy, wet, little boy kiss planted firmly on his foster dad’s cheek.  He ran off to play, leaving his caregivers stunned, realizing that heaven met earth for just a moment that day.

“Heaven meets earth like a sloppy, wet kiss        

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest

I don’t have time to maintain these regrets

When I think about the way that He loves us.”

How He Loves – lyrics by John Mark McMillan

leech – noun     

1.  a bloodsucking worm

2. a person who clings to another for personal gain, especially without giving anything in return,  and usually with the implication or effect of exhausting the other’s resources; parasite.

I would guess she was early 20′s, although the fatigue in her face made her look a little older.  Growing up in foster care had certainly not preserved her youth.  She sat quietly, watching the toddler explore every corner of the room.  “Is parenting getting easier?” I wondered.  She nodded, and responded that they were in a pretty good place – past infancy but not yet to the terrible two’s and three’s.  She enjoyed him, that much was apparent.  “You have a place to live?”.  Yes.  “Enough food?”.  Yes again.  “Friends your own age?”  Hesitation, then no.  “Why?”, I asked.

They all want something from me, you know?  Something I’m not willing to give.  Sex, drugs, money, you name it.  The people I know who are my age are a bunch of parasites.

The impact of her statement silenced my questions.  I leaned against the padded back of the chair and my mind raced to my own friendships.  The value of having people my own age around me.  People who simply wanted to share conversations about the difficulty of raising kids, of maintaining romantic relationships, of shouldering the responsibilities of life.  Friends on whom I could call for help without the expectation of “payment” for their favor. 

What value can be placed on unconditional love?  On unconditional friendship?  On offering to weave your life together with someone simply because they are human, rather than because they can do something for you.  Want to end child abuse?  Stop the suffering of countless generations of families?  Start by finding someone who needs a friend and losing yourself, your own interests, your own expectations.  Start by falling in love with others.

(Christ’s) love was not cautious but extravagant.  He didn’t love in order to GET something from us but to give everything of Himself TO us.  Love like that.  Ephesians 5:2 (MSG)

definition from dictionary.com

Over my years of interacting with kids in foster care, I have had a few rare occasions where in the course of conversation, kids were willing to expose their hearts and share their deepest emotions.  Sometimes that was in a verbal form, more often in sharing a written page or a picture.  When that happens I feel like I am on holy ground, in a place where few if any others have been allowed to enter.  I am deeply respectful of what they have allowed me to share with them, and I want to give you a glimpse into the soul of children who have been abused, neglected, abandoned. 

There is anger, but also joy.  Turmoil, but also peace.  Despair, but also hope. 

Journal Entry #1

The world sees my smile.  No one sees what is hidden inside me.  Something is missing in my heart.  Even though I know you love me and that love is always there, I miss being close to you.  I miss your hugs and your voice.  I look like I am doing OK, but inside I am falling apart because you aren’t here.  The only thing keeping me together is knowing that tomorrow everything could change and we could be together.